


Monsters of Malice

by Painful_Panda



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Backstories and old fics, Edd is just an animal tamer, Edd practically adopts all his friends into his house, Ghost Jon, Halloween, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, I'm not organized, Idk the bartender's name, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Matt is eDGY, Monster Tom, Nuclear Powered Eduardo, Probably OOC but I could care less, Suicidal Thoughts, These are actually just drabbles, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tom is horrible at preventing Matt's yearning for death, Vampire Matt, Zombie Tord, not in order, saloonatics, we're naming him todd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-01-04 01:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 10,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12159261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Painful_Panda/pseuds/Painful_Panda
Summary: HAHA, October passed but I'm still continuing this because I enjoy it.I've even (Somewhat) got a storyline picked out, but it won't really make sense because I'm horrible at making stories. Fear me.





	1. Vampire Matt

**Author's Note:**

> Also, why is Matt first?
> 
> I don't know.

Monsters aren’t allowed to go on buses.

 

It’s considered scandalous.

 

Unless you’re a monster with an owner, you had no right to set foot on those bus steps.

 

It’s always been like that, and you’ll never understand why.

 

You’ve always pitied monsters. The way humans would use weaknesses against them for their own amusement. How they’re treated like pets. Worse, like slaves. Becoming a monster is a fear humans live in. Being born a monster would be a curse.

 

You weren’t always a monster. Actually, you were an attractive teen. Your parents wanted a monster to protect the house. Why couldn’t they buy a dog? ‘It’s too expensive.’

 

There were many to choose from. Your dad chose a scary werewolf. He gave you nightmares. Still, despite that, you try to be nice to your new monster.

 

Stupid thing is, your monster could care less about your family. Even with all that damn luxury, that you should have since you were their son, after all, it still wasn’t enough for that fucking wolf.

 

Dad wanted you to take the wolf for a walk. It was dark, but you had your flashlight. Couldn’t believe you had to do this for that old man. The wolf was his idea, not yours. You don’t like that wolf at all.

 

Anyways, so you took him out. And walked. Time was going slowly, you were tired…

 

And somebody behind grabs you by the shoulders, there was a sharp pain in your neck. Fully realizing what was happening, you tried to get this mystery monster off. There’s a certain numbness in your head, legs feeling like jelly…

 

They throw you on the ground when they had their feast. And what did the wolf do?

 

He just ran away.

 

You get up, covering the bloody bite on your neck, and make your way to home. Not bothering with finding your monster.

 

“Matt, where’s the w- What the hell happened?!”

 

You stood silent, simply walking to your room. Mom runs over to you and asks again.

 

“Nothin’ ma,” You respond, “It’s a lil’ bite.”

 

“You’ve been bitten by a vampire. Come with me, I’ll clean the blood.”

 

* * *

 

 

Congratulations! You’ve just been kicked out, leaving home with only your black umbrella. The sun is much brighter, it hurts when it’s rays touch your skin. Now isn’t this lovely? The world hates you, monster. Even your parents.

 

No matter.

 

You walk around town with your fancy umbrella, now noticing the effects of being a monster. First thing was…

 

Reflection. It scared the hell out of you. It's gone. It’s a shame, really. You loved your reflection.

 

Week one, nothing much happened.

 

Week two, people are avoiding you.

 

Week three…

 

You’re being chased down by animal control.

 

You can run pretty quickly, with an energy you didn't have when you were a human.

 

Wow, isn’t life just dandy?


	2. Monster Tom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FUCK ME I SHARED THIS ON THE WRONG FIC
> 
> oh well fuck me

You were born a monster.

 

It’s not as bad as it sounds, you’ve gotten used to it. You didn’t realize you were a monster at first. It was kind of a “once you shift, you can’t go back” kind of thing.

 

Mom and Dad were monsters. They looked normal, so you didn’t think differently. You have your Mom’s eyes, your Dad’s looks…

 

You were a cute child.

 

Discrimination against monsters is common. Some hate monsters so much, they hunt some down like deer and rabbits.

 

Mom and Dad were overprotective of you, although you had nothing to worry about, you looked a bit human.

 

Mom went missing one day, and you never knew why. Dad was never the same.

 

And yet, for your birthday, Dad took you out to celebrate.

 

Dad went fishing with you. It was fun, seeing fish take your bait.

 

Your father stopped, sniffing the air.

 

“ _Thomas, run._ ”

 

“Huh? But wh-”

 

“ _Just run!_ ”

 

But you didn’t move, mostly out of confusion and fear.

 

**BANG! BANG!**

 

Something flew past your head.

 

Dad is on the ground.

 

“D-”

 

You hear rustling, instincts kick in, you run and hide.

 

…

 

You see Dad through the leaves of the bush. A big man with brown hair and a green hat walks to your injured father. He looks down and kicked Dad. Seeing that his prey was still alive, the hunter shot him again, this time killing Dad immediately. Tears trickled down your eyes, down your cheeks. The last person who loved you raised you, put up with you, was gone forever.

 

From here, it’s all fuzzy. You passed out somewhere in the woods and woke up to drops of water on your face.

 

Something’s wrong. Getting up, you feel small, fuzzy, it’s difficult to stand on two legs-

 

**_OH SHIT._ **

 

Panicking, you run around on four legs, barking loudly. Rain starts pouring everywhere, you slip on what you’ll assume in mud, rolling down a wet ditch. You scream for help, clawing anything to help you get up.

 

There’s a rustle of leaves. You look up.


	3. Tord.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A N G E R Y

Your son wanted a monster. He ran up to you and practically begged for a one.

 

You weren’t on board at the time, so you shooed him away.

 

But he just kept begging.

 

His birthday came around, you finally gave in. He was so excited, he practically showed you directions to the nearest pound.

 

It was terrifying to go. The monsters live in poor conditions, in small, dirty cells. There’s barely any food left for them, maybe a few bits of dog kibble. A few put their hands through the bars and tried to grab your leg.

 

“Paul, are you sure you want… These types of pets?”

 

“They’re not pets, Dad.”

 

You looked around, one caught your eye. He was a bit tall, wearing a dirty purple sweatshirt and staring at the wall, dog kibble piling in his bowl. From behind, he looked human. You called out to him.

 

“Hey.”

 

He turns around, piercing red eyes looking at you with curiosity. He has small fangs, slightly pointed ears, ginger hair, slightly tanned skin with freckles… He was handsome.

 

But he didn’t cast a shadow.

 

You could tell right away that he’s a vampire. You got closer to his cell, the vampire crawled away into a corner, still looking at you.

 

He reminds you of your younger self. You were pretty antisocial, wearing a black hoodie and always carrying a threatening look. You were an edgy child. You’ve outgrown that, got older, had a girlfriend, fucked her, had a child, etc. It fucked your life, it forced you to quit school to raise him.

 

“I’m Tor-”

 

**“HISSSSSS!”**

 

“Oooh my god, he looks so cool,” Paul said looking at the clearly intimidated vampire, “Let’s get him!”

 

“Are you sure, Paul? He looks like he’s going to murder someone!”

 

“We can buy something to keep him from killing us!”

 

What the fuck have you signed yourself up for?

 

* * *

  

He took an umbrella with him. The sun was beating down on everyone. The vamp kept the umbrella under himself and Paul.

 

Getting home was a relief.

 

“So, what should we call you?”

 

The vampire looked around, finding something to write with.

 

“George,” Paul says.

 

**“HIIIISSSSSSS…”**

 

“I thought it was a good name!”

 

“Shh, let’s just check his collar instead.”

 

You lifted his chin up, the collar had “MATT” in gold letters.

 

“Matt? Huh. Okay, Matt… Do you speak English?”

 

Matt stayed silent.

 

“Yes? No? Maybe?”

 

He nods.

 

“Then speak to me in English!” You yelled a bit too loudly, receiving a swift slap on the cheek from him.

 

Matt looks at his hand, “Fuck! I’m-”

 

You slap him back. He just looks at you before laying down on the floor.

 

Paul looks at Matt, patting his head, “I love him already!”

 

Oh boy.

 

* * *

 

He wasn’t great at first. With time, he was well-behaved, doing exactly what you told him to do. There are times he’d be so nice, he’d often do small things for you, like organizing your bills. Paul would often take him out for walks at night.

 

But with other people, he’s a complete savage. If he wasn’t on a leash, he’d attack anyone who dared got near you or Paul.

 

With other monsters, he’s even worse. It’s gotten so bad, you had to reduce him into sleeping in a cage.

 

And even then, he’s gotten angry at you for that.

 

You're going to get some help.


	4. Edd.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Jumps off counter*
> 
> I'm gay.

You’re not really well-known. But brilliance requires patience for its show in the light.

 

You have a deep passion for animals. They’re just so cute. Getting along with animals wasn’t exactly easy at first. Scratch and bite marks are still on your body. Taming wasn’t hard when you get so great at talking to them.

 

But you wanted a challenge. A real one. You couldn’t find one, you were just too good.

 

So you moved on, doing the type people would be too scared to do. Monsters.

 

It was exactly what you needed. It was so hard to get through a monster. Maybe it’s because they think like humans. But whatever.

 

At first, you’ve tried five or six monsters. It didn’t quite work out well for you.

 

You neighbor suggested to take a break. So you did, taking a walk out into the woods. It was nice, to say the least. It gives you time to think.

 

_Maybe I’d have better luck with monsters if I actually own one myself._

 

Yes! That’s a great idea! Plus, they’re cheaper than getting a dog to accompany Ringo. You’ll keep that idea in mind when you’re done going through the woods.

 

It’s silent, except for the chittering of the wilderness.

 

**SCREEE! SCREEEEE! EEEEE! SCRAAA!**

 

Holy shit. The screaming was so sudden, you almost tripped over your own foot. You could’ve done what people would normally do, and walk away.

 

But you walked to the source of the screeching. It was in a small ditch. You slowly poked your head out to take a peek.

 

It was a small, black and purple furry creature, with one black eye, and horns. It looked up at you and stopped screaming.

 

…

 

“Hey.”

 

It kept staring at you.

 

“… Uhh, so… I see you’re stuck. Want some help?”

 

It nodded, you signaled it to lift its paws up. When it got the message, you pulled it up.

 

Upon closer inspection, it had extremely sharp teeth. But it was as small as a dog! How cute! It whimpered, lilac tears pouring down its face. You suck at comforting, but-

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

It barks constantly as if you understood it.

 

“I don’t know what you’re saying, sorry…”

 

It just laid on your lap, trembling and covering its face with his paws. Unsure of what to do, you pet its head. There’s loud purring, it rubs its cheek on your leg. What an adorable creature. Oh wait, you’re getting muddy. And it’s late.

 

You get up, the creature scampers off your lap, standing near your side.

 

“Welp. Gotta go home. See y-”

 

It barks. You walk away, but it follows you.

 

Smiling and rolling your eyes, “Alright, you win. Let’s get you cleaned up.”


	5. Old Fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want DEATH.

Edd walked up to the door and rang the doorbell, "Alright Tom, remember what we practiced. Don't attack unless they attack me, or if I tell you to, okay?"

 

The animalistic beast nodded, sitting on the ground and scratching himself like dogs would.

 

"Also! There's someone else joining us! His name is Matt, I think you and him will get along. He's a monster, just like you."

 

Tom was about to open his mouth to say something when the door opened.

 

A short kid with thick eyebrows and a toothpick in his mouth answered the door, "Whoa, wicked monster you got there! What breed is it?"

 

"I'm not sure! I assume you're Tord's kid. Is he home?"

 

"Oh! You're Edd, aren't you?"

 

Edd nods as he lets his beast inspect the kid.

 

"Yeah, come in," The kid lets Edd inside, "I'm Paul, by the way. I heard you can tame monsters. Is that true?"

 

"Yes! I've gotten a job as a Monster Tamer. Best there is! And this is Tom's first time going to work with me." Edd bragged, petting Tom.

 

"Heh, I hope you are. Our monster scared off ten tamers! Dad was about to give up, but he remembered you were the greatest pet trainer back in your days."

 

"Ah, yes. Dogs still love me. Where is Tord, anyway?"

 

Tord runs in with a plate of waffles, "Sorry about that! Matt's being a rough potato! Please, help yourselves and get comfortable while I get Matt!"

 

Edd grabbed a few waffles, for himself and Tom. Paul takes the plate, while Tord runs off.

 

"So, about your monster. What can he do?"

 

"He's a pretty powerful for a small guy. He can glow, jump, smell emotion, and speak Spanish."

 

"Cooooool-"

 

Tord comes in slowly, pulling in a cage with a creature inside, hiding in torn pillows and ripped blankets.

 

"Paul, a little help?"

 

The short kid ran up to his father and helped him, Edd watches silently.

 

"Here he is. He'll get angry if I pull the blankets off him, so I'd wait for a bit. Unless you have a safer way to get him to come out."

 

Tom looks into the cage, sniffing inside. Smells like...

 

A craving for love?

 

"Hey little guy," Edd cooed, "You tired?"

 

Immediately when Matt heard a stranger, he uncovered himself and growled viscously, bearing teeth, and eyes glowing red.

 

Matt was a cool looking vampire, fit with a black hoodie and dark blue jeans. No blood on his teeth. That's not a good sign.

 

Taken aback by his demeanor, Edd looked down to Tom.

 

"Buddy, do you think you can talk some sense into him?"

 

Tom nodded.

 

 _"Greetings."_ Tom barked.

 

 _"Go to hell."_ Matt hissed.

 

_"Why?"_

 

_"Go AWAY. I don't want you here."_

 

_"Yes, you do. Do you feel threatened? We're not here to attack you."_

 

 _"Grrr... FUCK OFF!"_ Matt yelled, getting his arms through one of the hoops of the cage and hissing angrily.

 

Tord sprayed him down.

 

"Is that garlic?"

 

"Yeah," Tord answered, watching Matt retreat and whimper.

 

"Dude, you know that stuff is like hot oil on their skin, right?"

 

_"Are you okay?"_

 

_"It **burns**..."_

 

Tom saw that Matt was on the opposite side of the cage, and Edd had let go of his leash. Quickly, he ran to Matt's side of the cage and licked the garlic off the vampire's face.

 

"Eww," Paul commented, just realizing.

 

"Oh my god, your monster is-"

 

"Shh... Your vamp just wants the garlic off."

 

"But-"

 

"Tord, don't fucking disturb."


	6. Boring chapter I guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy I need to spice things up a little.
> 
> Hmm... I'll try with the next chapter.

“Good boy.” Edd pets his little monster.

 

Matt stared, seeing how good of a pair Edd and Tom are. He looks at Tord before curling back into a ball, knees near his chest.

 

Tom could smell the vamp’s negative emotions.

 

“ _What’s wrong? You won’t get any better if you keep ignoring me._ ”

 

…

 

“ _Please? I want to help you. Really.”_

 

“ _Like hell, you want to help me,_ ” Matt hissed, rolling onto his side, “ _All you monsters are the same, kissing human ass just so you can ruin their lives later._ ”

 

“ _But you’re a monster._ ”

 

Red and gold eyes pierced Tom’s soul, “ _You really couldn’t figure it out already?_ ”

 

Tom sat down and thought. His ears perked up when the only solution popped up in his head.

 

“ _Oh… I’m sorry._ ”

 

“ _Tsk. Don’t even know why you’re apologizing. You weren’t even the one that caused it._ ”

 

“ _No,_ ” Tom warily got closer to the cage, “ _But I can understand that what might’ve happened was awful._ ”

 

Tom puts his paws through the hoops of the cage and pets the ginger’s hair.

 

“... Oh! It seems our thirty minutes are up!” Edd tugs on Tom’s leash, “Come on, Tom.”

 

* * *

 

 

Week one, he was playing hard to get.

 

Week two, he’s still hiding in blankets.

 

Week three, he’s opening up, reading a book with two hands holding an apple as a cover.

 

“ _Have you ever read Twilight?_ ”

 

Tom looked at the book cover, “ _Heard it’s horrible. Like the purest trash._ ”

 

“ _Well… I’ll respect your opinion. Even if it’s wrong._ ”

 

“ _WhatEVER_.”

 

…

 

“ _How’s it like being a vampire?_ ”

 

Matt puts his book down, “ _Well, for me… It’s pretty boring,_ ” He lies, “ _I’m just sitting here in a cage, bored out of my skull._ ”

 

“ _That sucks, I guess._ ”

 

The small beast got a great idea. Sure, this may be a last week of being with Matt. But Tom’s gonna find a way to visit the gay ginger again.

 


	7. Zombie Tord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord becomes a monster and Matt wants to die.
> 
> Yep, that's just about it.

“Hey, Tord! How are you?”

 

There’s loud sobbing on the other line.

 

“Tord? What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m not Tord,” A thickly accented voice whimpered, “It’s Matt.”

 

“Oh! What’s wrong? Why isn’t Tord-”

 

“Tord’s FUCKIN’ dead.”

 

“Oh,” Is all you could manage to say.

 

“Oh?! OH?! For fuck's sake, is that all you can say?”

 

“...”

 

“Callin’ you was a m'stake. Forget it.”

 

He hangs up.

 

…

 

* * *

 

“ _Matt?_ ”

 

“Tord?!”

 

It’s silent, except for the sound of bugs and hissing of snakes.

 

“ _What exactly happened?_ ”

 

“I assume Tord is dead, and Matt is freaking the fuck out.”

 

“ _Well, ma-_ ”

 

You hear the sound of crackling leaves, something heavy was being dragged on the ground. There is heavy breathing and a slight growl.

 

“Oh shit.”

 

Your monster hissed at whatever it was.

 

Whoever it was, it was getting closer… Red eyes glowed furiously.

 

Tom looked down and saw there was no shadow.

 

“ _Matt!_ ”

 

“ _Eck._ ” The vampire hissed, almost dropping his owner’s dead body.

 

“There you are,” You say, relieved that he wasn’t somebody else, “Let me help.”

 

You walk over and grabbed Tord by the shoulders. But when you laid a single hand on him…

 

The short red dead man jolted awake with a loud scream.

 

“Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck-”

 

Matt has this look of boredom on his face, completely tired of your bullshit.

 

“Oh- Uhh… Tord shut the fuck up!”

 

But he still kept screaming, louder even.

 

“Tord- T- … Tord! Toooooor- TORD!” You slapped Tord across the face, Tom gasped loudly. Still, however, Matt looks fed up with your bullshit.

 

“What the hell was that for?!”

 

“Holy hell, you’re alive!”

 

Matt drops his owner and helps him up carefully, seeing that Tord is somewhat fragile.

 

“I died?”

 

“... I think so! Matt was freaking out!” You looked at his body, and see that he’s been bitten on the neck.

 

Just like Matt. But unlike Matt, the bite completely tore his neck. Tord lost a lot of blood, but it dried, sticking grossly on his rotting skin. Matt looks at his owner, tears slowly collecting in his eyes.

 

“ _You’re a monster,_ ” Matt announced, “ _A zombie… A being of the undead… I failed you._ ”

 

“ _Failed me? What do you mean?_ ” Tord asked, tilting his head like an innocent child.

 

“ _It was my job to protect you. My job to make sure you wouldn’t have to go through what I had to go through. Now, LOOK at you. You’re unacceptable to society, now._ ”

 

Tord looks at his hands, cuts and dirt covered them.

 

“ _Paul. What about Paul?_ ”

 

“ _He’s going to be taken away from you._ ”

 

That certainly got Tord angry. He lunged at Matt. The vampire didn’t even defend himself.

 

You pull Tord off of Matt, “Stop!”

 

Tom checked on Matt.

 

“ _Are you okay?_ ”

 

Matt looks at Tord. Wiping his tears, Matt then brought his hands near his neck, trying to choke himself. Tord looked in shock, Tom had to fight him to stop.

 

“ _LET ME DIE._ ”

 

“ _Not today, not EVER._ ”

 

“ _Fuck off!_ ”

 

You look at Tord. Bugs are practically crawling on him.

 

“Let’s get you home.”

 

“But M-”

 

“Tom has it under control. Let’s just go before a hunter comes by.”


	8. "But a dildo collection is weird..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom gave a gay vampire a mood necklace and it all goes to shit

“ _… And maybe even put in a dark bed veil if I’m able to! I think it’d be cute. Candles would be- THOMAS!_ ”

 

Tom snapped back to reality, shaking his head and looking at Matt. “ _Mmm?_ ”

 

“ _Were you even listening to a word I said?_ ”

 

“ _There’s a probability that I may or may not have been. Could you repeat what you said?_ ”

 

“ _No,_ ” Matt hissed, “ _But I will ask this. Do you like my new bed?_ ”

 

Tom looked at the queen bed. Black sheets, black pillows, but there was also… Colorful stuffed animals. It’s basically Matt. Dark and fucking random, with some color. Matt takes out the fluffy Tomee Bear you gave him and placed it near a pink monster.

 

“ _Looks great._ ”

 

“ _Thank you. Wanna try it out?_ ”

 

Tom nods, sitting on the bed.

 

“ _You know, for the nice mood necklace you gave me… I thought about getting something for you. Took me a bit to get the money for it, a-_ ” Matt paused, seeing Tom going through his drawers, still on his bed, “ _WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, TOM?!_ ”

 

He didn’t pause, “ _Just seeing what you’ve got… Oh my god, you read Harry Potter. What a nerd._ ”

 

Flustered, Matt runs over to Tom to pull him away, “ _I swear to god, you’re going to regret this!_ ”

 

Tom tosses the book aside, “ _Yeah, yeah, whatever… What the fuck._ ” It seems that the monster’s hand has wandered too far, he pulled out a purple dildo.

 

“ _AAAA! FUCK!_ ” Matt slams his book on Tom’s head.

 

“ _Ow!_ ”

 

“ _Peeping Tom! Get your nose out of my shit!_ ”

 

Tom just stares at the plastic dick. Holy shit. Did it seriously have to be THAT color?

 

“ _Oh my god, where the heck did you even manage to find one?_ ”

 

“ _ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS-_ ”

 

“ _Yes._ ”

 

Matt’s face was a blushing mess, he looks down, “ _I was desperate one day, Tord heard me… And said I can keep a spare._ ”

 

“ _Why does he have a collection of dicks?_ ”

 

“ _He doesn’t anymore. Can’t use them since he’s… Undead and all, ya know?_ ”

 

Matt hides his face in his hoodie, squealing.

 

“ _I’m sorry,_ ” Tom puts the toy away, “ _... Well uh…_ ”

 

Poor guy looked so embarrassed, he’s curled up in a ball.

 

The gem in his necklace was all black.

 

“ _I mean, I don’t blame you. You’re just horny and shit… But like… Have you ever learned how to ride it?_ ”

 

“ _What kind of question is that? I only try what my fanfiction can teach me._ ”

 

“ _Rrrrright…_ ”

 

…

 

“ _Is your dick purple?_ ”

 

“ _Looks like you’ll have to find out yourself._ ”

 

The gem slowly melted from black to red. He just rolls to the side.

  
“ _Soon._ ”


	9. Wtf is even this chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I should write smut or not....
> 
> Hnnnnn

Tord groaned loudly, tripping over Edd’s beloved cat. It mewled softly, getting up and walking away.

 

“Oh no, Tord! Let me help you.”

 

Edd kneels down and helps his undead friend, pulling Tord up.

 

“Hey, calm down. I’m just gonna lay you on the couch.”

 

“Muh, mrruuuhh…”

 

“Shoosh, just lay dow-”

 

“Muuhhhh… Huuuu… Huuuhhhh…”

 

Edd settled his undead friend onto the couch.

 

It’s a bad day.

 

It’s the night of the pink and green moon. Thank god it just happens every 21 years. Monsters go crazy, finding their mates and…

 

Yeah.

 

Matt was bored in room, while Tom was sleeping on the kitchen table.

 

“Tord, I’d love it if you don’t go out and bite me.”

 

“Eeeughhhhhh…”

 

“Please.”

 

“Eeeeeed, I dun wuhnnah hurrr…”

 

“Hmm, maybe I should go out.”

 

“Eeeeeeeeed! Eeee-”

 

Tom sprang up, wide awake. He sniffed the air, barking when he finally made sense of it. His little puppy-like paws pat along the ground as he ran upstairs to Matt.

 

“Tord, don’t you dare.”

 

“Mmmm noooooooot……!”

 

“Sure you weren’t.”

 

The zombie pouted, seemly drunk and tired.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Fffffuk yo.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Edd gave Tord a pat on the back.

 

“When do you think you can talk normally again?”

 

Tord shrugs, sitting comfortably on the couch. Edd sits next to him, the undead friend settles his head on Edd’s lap.

 

“Wait, don-”

 

Too late.

 

“Godddd…”

 

It got silent until he can hear a faint sound of the two monsters banging.

 

That’s…

 

Why…?


	10. Role switch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Edd was a shitty monster and everyone else was human?
> 
> LAZY CHAPTER WARNING

“You, you, and… Why is there a little kid here?”

 

Matt and Tom look at the short brunette wearing a blue sweatshirt two sizes too big for him.

 

“He’s my monster.”

 

“Umm? This little kid is a MONSTER? Hah! Right.”

 

“Father, you may not believe it, but this is, in fact, a monster. Rarest of it’s kind.”

 

“Right…” Tord rolled his eye, “What’s your name, little fella?”

 

“Edd!”

 

“Do you seriously have to keep this kid on a leash?”

 

“Dad, he’s a fucking monster.”

 

“Matt, don’t speak to me like that!”

 

“Dad- I m-mean Mr. T! He actually is a monster. He’s calm, yeah, but I wouldn’t let him off in public. He scares the oncoming pedestrians.”

 

“Wow, I can’t believe my son is gay for this guy. You sure YOU'RE not a monster? Your eyes sure are a mystery…”

 

Tom lets out an offended gasp, while Matt just crosses his arms.

 

“I really wouldn’t want to do this, father.”

 

“What?”

 

“Edd? Scare his ass.”

 

“Okay!” Edd chirped, Tom, letting the leash go so the small demon could do his thing.

 

Tord watches in confusion and horror as the small human-looking demon just…

 

“What the fuck, is he a werewolf?”

 

“Dad, I swear to god I will cut your dick off.”

 

“... He’s fucking taller than Tom.”

 

The Varcolac just looks down at the small Norwegian.

 

“...”

 

Edd gives the small Norwegian a pat on the head, as he sits down, nibbling at his leash.

 

“... So your kid-”

 

“Edd is not a KID. He just looks like one. He’s Varcolac. A very shitty one at that.”

 

“Why.”

 

“Dad, just let me have a monster without you asking about your life choices! Waaaahh…”

 

The author gave up on the chapter, stopping it here.


	11. MAKE ME, BITCH.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU within and AU if Tom never came to Matt's taming sessions.
> 
> I'm just writing things that come off the top of my head, don't mind me.

Tom squeezed through the small opening, still caught in his owner’s scent. Edd was here alright, and so were other monsters.

 

“ _I don’t care if you’re not up for it, you’re going to be a part of this! Have you seen what those filthy humans have done to you?! And you were a human last week!_ ”

 

What the fuck.

 

Tom carefully and silently walked around, trying to see what was happening.

 

“ _Where did your sense of war go?! Where did that bloodlusting, gun fondling leader go? You’re dead, sure. But that’s no excuse!_ ”

 

“ _But he’s my friend-_ ”

 

“ _HE’S. A. HUMAN. Disgusting creatures, who think stealing OUR future is the only way to prevent our savage ways! You can’t be serious about a human still being your friend, right?!_ ”

 

Tom finally finds a place where he can see the argument.

 

A ginger vampire is having an argument with a short, horn haired zombie.

 

Annnd… Edd! Who’s just casually watching everything go by.

 

“ _Fine! If you don’t have the balls to do it, then I will!_ ”

 

Tom crawls in and pounces on the vampire, barking loudly.

 

“ _FUCK-_ ”

 

“ _Matt!_ ”

 

“Tom!”

 

“ _Edd!_ ”

 

“ _Get this animal off me!_ ”

 

The zombie was about to make a move…

 

“Tord, don’t even try.”

 

And he just backs away instead, bones cracking in response to his slow movements.

 

“ _How lovely, you send your brainwashed monster after me. Wow, how nice._ ”

 

“I didn’t send him-”

 

“ _LIAR!_ ” Matt abruptly slammed his fists on the ground and got up, red eyes filled with rage.

 

Edd puts his hands up, “Okay, okay! Let’s just talk about this, I’m sure you’re just angsty or something! I could-”

 

“ _I DON’T NEED HELP FROM A HUMAN!_ ”

 

Tom bites on Matt’s leg, growling viciously.

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak monster…”

 

Matt shakes the small Tom off, “ _Fuck off._ ”

 

“Just STOP!”

 

“ _MAKE ME, BITCH!_ ”

 

Tom pauses, “ _Okay, that’s rude._ ”

  
“ _Your existence is rude._ ”


	12. Tea and Waffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt has difficulty trying to make waffles for Tord.

Tord is still being undead.

 

“ _Mom, you okay?_ ”

 

Tord groans, too lazy and tired to get up from the red couch. He just snuggles in his blue blanket, “ _Mattie,_ ” He coughed, “ _Can you come here, please?_ ”

 

You obey, stepping out of the dining room, “ _Yeah, Ma’?_ ”

 

“ _Can you make me some waffles and tea?_ ”

 

“ _… Mom,  I don’t know how to do that._ ”

 

“ _It’s quite easy, remember how I showed you?_ ”

 

“ _Yeah, but I might mess up._ ”

 

“ _Please, at least try. You can make tea, that’s a fact._ ”

 

“ _Alright,_ ” You mumble, walking to the kitchen, “ _Let’s see what we have…_ ”

 

You plug in the waffle iron without screaming and boil water in the kettle without burning yourself.

 

Wow, so brave.

 

And now, you look for the baking book. It’s on top of the fridge. Goddammit, Tom, that’s not funny. How the fuck are you gonna get the book, you’re not tall enough to grab it.

 

UGH. FUCK YOU TOM.

 

You go on your tiptoes and try to get it. Nope. Still short. You get frustrated, grabbing the fridge handles and jumping up to get it, only to get the fridge door to open and knocking you off balance, hitting your head on the hot oven.

 

“ _SHIT!_ ” You wince, tumbling to the ground. This is bullshit. You get up, wiping the tears of pain out of your eyes and kick the fridge so fucking hard.

 

The book finally falls down, you grab it and flip it to the waffle page.

 

**Norwegian Waffle Recipe**

 

This is gonna be a pain in the ass.

 

* * *

 

“ _Oh my god, Matt are you o-_ ”

 

“ _I’m dandy,_ ” You hissed, shakingly holding the mug of tea and plate of waffles, “ _Eat._ ”

 

He takes the tea, takes a sip, “ _The tea is kinda cold._ ”

 

“ _The back of my head is kinda burned, but I wasn’t complaining._ ”

 

You take the tea again, Tord shuffles to one side of the couch. You happily sit next to him.

 

He takes a waffle and bites into it, “ _Who’s my big brave soldier?_ ”

 

“ _…”_

 

“ _Come onnnn, tell meeee,_ ” The zombie nudged your arm.

 

You roll your eyes, “ _I am._ ”

 

“ _Yes, you are! Thanks for the food and tea._ ”

 

That’s nice and all, but…

 

You’re still gonna kick Tom’s ass later.


	13. I fucking hate fidget spinners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is edgy.

“ _Ugghhhh, guys. I don’t think I can eat cotton candy anymoreeee…_ ”

 

“At least you’re full. We don’t need you going around, biting people and causing security to come.”

 

“ _Yeah! And this festival is really fun! What do you think, Matt?_ ”

 

“ _I despise humanity and their disgusting candyfloss._ ” Matt hissed, holding Tom’s leash and his black umbrella above him, so the sun doesn’t burn him.

 

“ _... Love you, Vampy._ ”

 

“ _Love you too, Beasty._ ”

 

Edd laughs, “Come on Matt, I’m sure the sunblock we put on you can protect your skin. Go on a ride with us! Even Tord is doing it, and he almost lost his head!”

 

“ _Tsk, I’m just not into these activities._ ”

 

Tom whined, “ _Come on, go on ONE ride with us!_ ”

 

“ _N-_ ”

 

“Dad!”

 

Matt stopped abruptly, turning his head. Tord looked confused, still munching on candyfloss.

 

“Did you hear that?”

 

“ _Hear what,_ ” Tom said nervously, “ _Let’s go listen to the band that’s playing the HECKING cool music…!_ ”

 

“Dad!”

 

Oh no.

 

“Murrr?” Tord groaned, looking at the thick eyebrowed male, walking towards Tord’s direction.

 

Another male ran over, “Pau, isn’t this your Da-”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Ruhhh??”

 

“Dad, are you okay? You never told me what happened to you!”

 

“Unnn?! Muurrr… Ruhhh-”

 

“Oh my, would ya look at that?” Matt interrupted, trying not to cringe at his accent, “It’s dear ol’ Pauly! How are ya, old friend?”

 

“Umm… I’m okay?”

 

“That’s great! We were just gonna go ride on the…” The vampire looks at the gigantic fidget spinner ride, “The Fidget! The Fidget, yea! Care to join us?”

 

“Uhh, no thanks… I’m just here on a date.”

 

Matt looks at the other male, eyeing him up and down, slamming his fist on the male’s back, catching Paul off guard, “Slouching is bad for ye back, honey.”

 

“I-I- O-Okay?!”

 

“ _Matt, what are they talking about? I’m a da-_ ”

 

“ _Don’t worry mom, they play these kinds of tricks on a lot of people._ ”

 

“ _Oh, alright…_ ”

 

“ _Matt, you’re going to ride the Fidget?! Oh no, you’ll throw up!”_

 

“ _I already want to throw up. Let’s go, mom._ ”

 

Tord holds his hand out, Matt takes it and walks over to the ride. Just looking at it makes him want to throw up.

 

“ _Hold on, I’m coming too!_ ”

 

“Excuse me, sir, you can’t have that umbrella on the ride.” The operator says.

 

Matt folds his umbrella down and tosses it to Edd, who was busy talking to Pau and Pat. Tom was a bit shocked that he did that so casually.

 

“Oh! Sir, this ride doesn’t tolerate monsters on it-”

 

“If yer goin’ to be racist about us, normal livin’ bein’s with consciences and horrible things called emotions, ye might as well be fuckin’ me in public with a long stick.”

 

“Uhh…”

 

“I can find out where ya live. I can steal yer future. I can end the lives of the ones ye love. I can end yours, slowly and-”

 

“FINE! GO IN, J-Just don’t tell my boss!”

 

He pats her head, “ _Good girl._ ” He hissed, letting Tord go on first.

 

Though the process is slow at first, the three monsters ride along with each other.

“ _EEEE~! I’m so excited, are you?!_ ”

 

“ _Hell yes, I am! How about you, Matt?_ ”

 

“ _I wanna kill myself._ ”

 

“ _... That’s the spirit, Vampy!_ ”

 

The ride got faster. Tom realizes Matt didn’t buckle himself in.

 

“ _Matt, you’ve gotta put on the seat belt-_ ”

 

“ _It’s broken._ ”

 

Matt must’ve chosen that seat for a reason.

 

The speed was getting intense, Matt looked bored until he eventually couldn't hold onto the bars of the ride and flew out.

 

“MAAAAAAAAAATTTT--!” Edd screams, Pat and Pau look in shock.

 

Matt screams loudly before his entire body hits a kiddie merry-go-round.

 

But of course, the operator didn’t stop the ride.

 

When they did, Tom and Tord shot right out to meet up with the injured vampire.

 

“OH MY GOD MATT ARE YOU OKAY?!”

 

What the fuck, he didn’t break anything. Just some bruises, but he’s still dandy and sore as ever.

 

“ _Eck._ ” He hissed, passing out at the unbearable heat. Edd unfolds the umbrella and held it above his edgy bat man.

 

“... I think that’s enough of this festival for today.”


	14. Prince Matthew.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I NEED TO PUT IN MORE EDD FFKFJKDSJK

“ _Egh, it’s raining,_ ” Matt groaned, pulling Tom’s leash closer, “ _Such luck we’ve got._ ”

 

Tom sniffed the air, catching scents of mostly water, but a lot of anger from the vampire.

 

His anger smells like cherries. Smells like water and strongly of cherries.

 

“ _Let’s go to the museum! They seemed to be open, how strange._ ”

 

The interior of the museum was nice but small. Tom shakes the water off his fur and wondered around. There’s an old, slightly torn up purple covered diary, a feather was used as a bookmark. The small beast was in no mood to grow a few inches and try to grab it with his teeth.

 

“ _Ooooh, Matt! Look! A book! Let’s read it!_ ”

 

“ _But why?_ ”

 

“ _It’ll be boring if we just wait for the rain to go, might as well read something._ ”

 

Matt shrugs, walking over to the book and flipping to the first page.

 

Tom barked, “ _I want to read it, too!_ ”

 

“ _Tsk, be patient._ ” Matt rolled his eyes and sat down on the floor, back to a wall with Tom sitting next to him. A few pages of the diary was torn out.

 

**_~ Sunday_ **

 

**_I have decided to take Edward’s idea into consideration. How fond I am to leave this place and go on to adventure a new place to step foot on, that I have never acknowledged its existence. He has decided to come with me, the West is no place for a Prince to roam around like a headless cock. He knows what I am, and yet, he cares deeply for me after everything I have told him. What have I done to deserve such a loyal friend? Maybe he’s an angel._ **

 

**_We leave together at moonrise. Father would not be too pleased if he found out I have disobeyed him like this. The West is where the disgusting creatures and the poor live. Our family does not gather with the poor or the creatures of witchcraft. ** _ ** _We are royalty, after all._**_**_ **

 

**_Am I not considered royalty, if I am a creature of witchcraft? My fate was unexpected, unavoidable, it was not my fault. I am still the same Prince. I only keep this charade of density and joy for my family. I feel nothing but an empty void in my chest and the boiling of blood in my head. Such pity I take on myself. Hopefully, the experience of the West can influence me into a better person than I was yesterday._ **

 

Prince Matthew sighed, closing his violet book down and pushing it slightly aside. The moon was going to ascend soon.

 

He packs a few items for his journey, normal items like clothing and sun protection. He looks one more time in the mirror.

 

Nothing.

 

As it should be.

 

He sneaks around, hiding in the shadows when servants come by with their daily duties.

 

Red eyes pierce the darkness, he does the dance of hiding and silence until he made it to the awaiting carriage inside.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey, Prince charming! Ready for wild West?” Detective Edward says, helping the Prince with his items.

 

Matthew looks up at the moon with dull eyes, “Hopefully the sun doesn’t kill me.”

 

“It’ll sure make you sweat! I've made a close friend from my last vacation there! Come on, let’s go before someone notices you’re missing!”

 

The Prince hops inside.

 

“HEEYA!”

 

A Prince running from home. Isn't that strange to hear?

 

Let's hope for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short.


	15. DISGRACEFUL!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody is gonna bother to leave comments if I don't post something.

“The old museum seems great this season!”

 

“ _ Museums are shitty. _ ”

 

“Matt, you’re lucky I don’t understand monster gibberish.”

 

“ _ Suck my dick. _ ”

 

Edd rolled his eyes, holding Tom’s leash while Matt was holding hands with Tord, leading him to the museum.

 

“Whoa! Guys, this diary wasn’t always here, was it?!”

 

“ _ I guess not, _ ” Matt lied, “ _ It’s just another pile of rubbish. _ ”

 

“Oh my god, there’s more! I’ve got to read them all!”

 

Tom barks, pointing at the purple book. The vampire rolled his eyes and snatched it from the stand.

 

“Excuse me sir, I’d be careful with those artifacts! They cost a fortune, you wouldn’t want to pay for them, would you?”

 

“M’ bad. Sorry.”

 

Tom barked again, Edd looks over while Tord almost snaps his bones trying to settle down next to his friends.

 

**_~ Monday_ **

 

**_The West is so alluring. The way the people here in the West dress is a dab different from the way others dress in England. And yet, despite the quaint town’s divine beauty, I cannot bring myself to go out. The sun’s deadly rays limit me from staying out for too long. The sad price for a prince of witchcraft to pay._ **

 

**_Ah well. Maybe I have something that can help me with the sun. I will go check._ **

 

**_I’ve brought my black parasol. It’s amusing, Mother didn’t like me getting, nor wearing such gloomy colored items. She says it makes me look ‘less royal’ and more ‘brooding’. This also comes from the same woman who still thinks the world is flat. I love my Mother Queen, but I cannot take most words that come out of her mouth into much thought. ** _ ** _Edward has been going on and on about this sheriff that protects the town. He says that the sheriff is a rumored creature of witchcraft, like me. Well, I will have to see that myself. But, I am eager to speak to different people, listen to their stories and maybe learn from them._**_**_ **

 

**_I will go write more today when the time comes._ **

 

He looks out the curtains of the carriage, listening quietly to his friend’s words.

 

“Thompson even taught me how to shoot a gun! I drank this amazing drink with him while he got drunk… He’s a pretty good dancer, did I mention that?!”

 

“…”

 

“… Matthew? You’ve been awfully gloomy and quiet, what’s wrong?”

 

“I’ve been wondering… How can anyone in the West live like that?”

 

“Like what, my prince?”

 

“Witchcraft. They aren’t slaughtered like they are in England.”

 

“Yeah,” Edward says, “They give a bit more appreciation for them, since almost all of them protect the big town they live in. Well, actually. They ARE much nicer than the ones in England.”

 

“Heh, I guess. Am I not nice?”

 

“Of course you are! You’re probably the only nicest monster I’ve ever met!”

 

The Prince smiles, looking outside at the moon.

 

“Egh, I’m gonna take a long nap when we get there!”

 

“Sounds like the smart thing to do.”

 

Edward sniffs the air, “It shouldn’t be too far now, get some rest.”

 

“Alright, talk to you in the morning,” Matthew says, pulling the lavender curtains shut, “Goodnight, Edward.”

 

“Night, Matt.”

* * *

 

“WAKE UP!”

 

Matthew stirred, still asleep on the seats of the carriage.

 

“Prince Matthew, we’re here!”

 

He sprang up, sunshine was leaking out of where the curtains didn’t cover up. He hisses loudly when he realized Edward was in the carriage with him.

 

“Whoops! Sorry! Sorry!” 

 

“ _ Disgraceful! _ ” The Prince hissed, grabbing the covers and pulling them up.

 

“Get dressed, the sheriff is waiting at the saloon!”


	16. There's the bandit, he's important to the plot owo

“Hey… c-can I get another Co-La?” Eduardo asked a bit shyly, looking at the two empty bottles near him.

 

“Geeeev mmmm a seccc…” The zombie bartender moaned, searching and getting the glassed drink from the row of alcoholic drinks.

 

 _“You should really lay off the Co-La.”_ A voice of the damned spirit said, eyeing the empty Co-La bottles disappointingly.

 

He would, but frankly, he would rather stay up for another day than go sleep with ANOTHER nightmare.

 

It’s always the same thing. He’s stuck in a horrible situation, whether it be burning to death or drowning in a river, there’s always a shadow of a humanoid goat-horned thing, taller than any person he’s ever seen, looming over him. So silent the thing was, staring with those red eyes, watching his every move… Motionless. That was the thing that made him so frightening.

 

_“Don’t be so harsh on yourself. It’s not your fault everything is gone.”_

 

The bartender quickly limps over, handing the troubled man his drink.

 

“A-Ah. Umm, here… Take the tip.”

 

“Thhhhank yooooo…”

 

Somebody gets the attention of the bartender, he limps away, happy with the generous tip. Eduardo watches the Sheriff from his seat, it’s all okay, the Sheriff never caught him looking.

 

The doors open, two males walk inside.

 

“Hmm, maybe I should-” Pause. “Oh hey. Took you long enough, I was just about to order something… This is probably the longest I’ve been sober, Ed.” The Sheriff said.

 

Edward yawns, “Yeah, sorry… I was staying up all night getting royalty here. Thompson, meet Matthew, the Prince of England.”

 

Eduardo looks over to the Prince’s direction, a look of shock splayed on his face.

 

The sheriff took his large hat off and looked at the Prince. He bowed like a gentleman, “Nice to meet you.”

 

“The same goes for you, Sheriff,” Matthew says, giving finger guns. Thompson looks at him, confused.

 

“You two seem to be getting along very well…!”

 

_Doesn’t he look familiar? You don’t know any Prince._

 

Familiar? Edu doesn’t know. Wait… He does remind him of someone…

 

But frankly, that someone is dead.

 

“Thompson, can I trust you with Matthew for a bit? I need to go take a LOOONG nap.”

 

“Uhh, sure.”

 

“Remember, he’s a Prince. He’s worth a lot. I’m trusting you with my best friend.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.”

 

Edward smiles, rubbing his tired eyes, “See you later, Matthew.”

 

“Farewell, Edward.”

 

The Detective walked out, leaving his two friends together. Prince Matthew walked over and took a seat. He takes one look at the bartender.

 

“Oh. My. God. What are you wearing?”

 

The bartender looked at himself, embarrassed that he looks dirty in front of royalty.

 

“You… Are so adorable! How do you grow a mustache?! I’ve been trying to-”

 

“T-Thhhhhaaaaannnnk yoooooo!!”

 

“... Oh! You’re welcome!”

 

Sheriff Thompson sat down next to the Prince. “I’ll have the usual,” He said.

 

The bartender nodded, limping away.

 

“So, tell me! How is it like around here? I’ve heard you’ve got some friendly creatures around here!”

 

“Oh, the monsters? Yeah, they’re pretty cool. We’ve been lacking on-going crimes for a long time, they’re pretty great when it comes to the security of this small town.”

 

“That’s great! England would never allow… Zombie bartenders, for one thing!”

 

The zombie slammed the whiskey on the counter.

 

“Sounds boring,” He took a swift sip of his drink, “Can’t believe anyone would be a prince of such a bad place.”

 

“A prince that will be a king, soon enough! I have big plans for the throne!”

 

“Good luck with that.”


	17. He's too happy to be my ancestor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jelly vamp wants to be hap
> 
> :)

“So Princey, why do you keep an umbrella on you?”

 

“Ah! Well, I have only the finest skin! I can’t let it be burned by the golden sun, you know! It might ruin my image.”

 

“Right… The sun WILL be going soon, so explain that.”

 

“I won’t risk it! And it’s a PARASOL, mind you!”

 

The sheriff smirked, elbowing the tall prince, “Yeah, whatever.”

 

“Hmmf,” The Prince huffed, “Fine. So, what do YOU do Sheriff? Got a lady back home?”

 

“Nah. I ain’t got time for a relationship. My whisk is probably the only love of my life.”

 

“Oh. M-Me too!”

 

“Surprising, you’re royalty! I thought ladies would FAWN over you.” Thompson tilts his hat up a slight bit, leading the vampire to his home.

 

Matthew blushes, “They do! It’s just that these beautiful ladies don’t really catch my attention…”

 

Pause.

 

“No fucking way.”

 

“L-Look! You might not like me after knowing that, but-”

 

“No,” Thompson starts laughing, “It’s not that! You’re full of surprises, you know that? Does your family know?”

 

“Dear god no, they’ll disown me!”

 

The eye-patched man takes his hat off and fans his face, “Wow! Well, welcome to the Wild West! It’s not uncommon to see someone like you around.”

 

“A-Ah. Oh… Right. Thanks.”

 

…

 

“Home sweet home.” The door was already unlocked. Wow, such security.

 

“What a nice place you live in.”

 

“Don’t they have bigger and fancier homes where you’re from?”

 

“Yes, but I’m tired of seeing the same old things,” Matthew walks inside and admires the interior look of the home, before folding his parasol and throwing it to the ground, “Let’s shoot things and tie nooses!”

 

“Ed sure does have a strange taste in friends.”

 

**_~~ Monday_ **

 

 **_I am completely in admiration of this world. Edward had fallen asleep in the old carriage, so I am stuck with Sheriff Thompson until the next day, I am to guess. There was a lovely but perished bartender. He looked absolutely adorable, I want to know his secret._ ** **_I also tried some Cola. Co La? I do not know what you call it._ ** **_I prefer milk. Cola is too sweet._ ** **_The Sheriff is such a lovely dear! Such a gentleman! I like him. Hopefully, we will talk more in the morning._ **

 

**_Oh sorry, I have to cut this short. I hear music from the other room._ **

 

“ _What a bimbo._ ” Matt hissed, using the feather to bookmark the page.

 

Tom shot Matt a glare, “ _How dare you! That’s probably your ancestor!_ ”

 

“ _Ancestor my ass, he sounds too happy with his life to be even CLOSE to being related to me._ ”

 

“ _I don’t think that’s how ancestry works…_ ” Tord whimpered.

 

“Come on guys!” Edd says, getting up, “Let’s get home already, we’ve been here long enough!”


	18. Greedy CHILD

“ _Oh my fucking god, Matt! I can’t believe you stole the diary from the museum! I taught you better than this!_ ” Tord groans furiously, tugging at Matt’s jacket.

  
“ _Well Mom_ ,” Matt grinned, “ _If it’s illegal and worth a lot, I’m willing to shove a taser up the law’s ass_.”

  
“Let it go, Matt is always up to trouble. Especially if it’s with the law.”

  
Tom barks, “ _Heh, I bet you’re not even going to sell it. You just want to keep it so you don’t have to keep going to the museum every day to read a different page_.”

  
“ _Pff… Yeah, you got me. And besides you want to read it too, so it’s a win for you and me_.”

  
“What other illegal things did you do today, Matt?”

  
Pause, “ _I took a Starbucks from a cute girl, but other than that, nothing else_.”

  
“Wow.”

  
“ _That’s not even illegal_ -” Tom smirked.

  
“ _And this ain’t apple juice so fuck off and let me read_.”

 

* * *

  
He woke up to the sound of yelling.

  
Prince Matthew yawned, wanting to slump back onto the ground and sleep on it. But eh, that wasn’t going to happen. Eww, he was still asleep in his princely attire.

  
He grabs his parasol and walks to the door, not caring if he probably looked horrible.

  
“Oof, good m’rning to you too,” The Sheriff slurred, knocking over a glass bottle when he tried to walk in the room, “Where are you goin’?”

 

“Out…? I’m hungry.” Matthew looked down, face redding.

  
OH MY FUCKING GOD HE’S NAKED.

  
“Ooooh, c’n I come too?” Thompson giggled.

  
“U-Uhh of course, you can! Just, put some clothes on, p-please.”

  
“Oh, right.”

  
_**~Tuesday** _

  
_**Well, the start of today was unexpected. I slept on the floor, which felt glorious. Until Sheriff Thomson came in. Frankly, he was a bit tipsy and we had to help him get dressed and out the door.** _

  
~~_**Shit, why did I say came in. Shit, I did it again.** _ ~~

  
_**Anyways, I decided to go have brunch with him. I got Edward to tag along, which made me pleased.**_

  
“You know for a short man, you are very heavy.”

  
“Fuck y’.”

  
“Matt’s right,” Ed groans, dragging the heavily drunk man, “Have you gained weight the last time we’ve met?”

  
“So what if I did? It’s none of yoooour business!”

  
…

  
“ _You really shouldn’t be here, you’ll get caught and you’ll get pinned down for it_.”

  
“T-The prince is going to be there. You saw him.” Eduardo nervously put a hat on, slowly following the three males without bringing too much attention to himself.

  
“ _Does it really fucking matter? You’re an idiot, we can’t just stalk him without taking precaution. What are you even planning?_ ”

  
“Now if I told you that, that wouldn’t be very cautious, would it?”

  
The spirit silenced themselves, still providing protection to their living vessel. It was their duty, after all. It was the only thing keeping it from perishing off the middle world.

  
“What can I do for you three?” The lovely town baker, Carol asked.

  
_**I have met the loveliest lady I have ever seen. She was a beauty. I always enjoy seeing a lady with long hair. Actually, I really like long hair. I enjoy braiding and styling them to my tastes. I think styling a lady’s hair is a nice art. Art is so beautiful. I’ve always wanted to make art, of course it wouldn’t be amazing at first… But I would try to get better. I enjoy…** _

  
_**I am getting off topic now, am I? Sigh. I am just outraged by my family limitation.** _

  
_**They’re just so controlling. They control my entire life. They assign what THEY want me to be. A prince. A figure of royalty. Someone of the highest respect, someone who can slaughter enemies and rule over hundreds of people.** _

  
_**I don’t think I am fit for such a responsibility. All I ever wanted to be was an artist. I bore of the princely duties, playing an instrument that does not catch my fancy, being with women that simply want me just so they can become a future queen.** _

  
_**Worse, I know that eventually, I will have to be arranged for a marriage.** _

  
_**I hate it. It makes me furious. I want to be able to make my OWN choices. I want to make art, I want to be with who I want to be, I want to be human.** _

  
_**But that makes me a greedy child, does it not? Asking for the impossible, something you can not just beg and buy.** _

  
_**Fuck. I hate feeling emotion. I have got to calm down before I cry on the ink.** _

  
_**-Matthew** _

 

* * *

 

Matt stared at the page, completely dumbfounded. He catches Tom looking and immediately slams the diary closed, giving his signature cold look into nothingness, “ _Wow, such a loser am I right_?”

  
Tom and Tord only look at each other.

  
Edd grumbles, “We’re home.” 


	19. I just want my damn cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know why I bother forcing myself to making fanfics. Nobody reads this shit.
> 
> Anyways, have some short TordEdd fluff, I guess. I'm gonna go work on other shit that I have no motivation to finish.

“Mmmmmaaaaaa…”

  
Pause.

  
“Eeeeeeeeh…”

  
Tord was sliding on the ground, using his legs to push his entire body into the kitchen. He gets up when he makes it to the fridge. Opening it, he’s met with various types a foods.

  
And a jar of cookies at the top of the fridge.

  
“Fffffff…”

 

How is a short little zombie going to get that, without hurting himself?

  
He tries shaking the fridge.

  
Weak.

  
He grabs a stool.

  
Close yet so far.

  
He goes to even going on his tiptoes, but falls when the stool slides. Falling face-first made his head pop off.

  
Edd runs in, “What the-?” He looks at the undead man on the ground. Despite being decapitated by the ground, his body was still working and looking for his head.

  
“Oh Tord, what were you trying to do this time?” Edd asks, picking up the head and forcefully shoving it back into it’s respectful owner.

  
Tord whines, opening his mouth and pointing at it.

  
“You’re hungry? Didn’t Matt get you some cookies from that Jane chick?”

  
Tord points at the top of the fridge.

  
“Oh. Matt’s a bit short to do that. Dammit, Tom.”

  
Edd grabs the jar, handing it to Tord.

  
“T… Thhhhhank…”

  
“No problem! I’ve got t-”

  
Tord tugs at Edds hoodie, whining. He offers Edd some of the cookies, shaking the jar.

  
“No, they’re y-”

  
“Mmmmmeh!” Tord kept pouting and tugging, making the taller man roll his eyes and surrender.

  
They sit down at the table, “Where is Matt, anyway?”

  
Tord makes twitchy hand gestures, holding up two fingers, pointing at the exit, then lifting his thumb and pinky, thumb near his lips and tilting his head upward a slight bit.

  
“Oh! Matt and Tom are at the cafe? Aww, I wish they’d invite me every once and awhile…”

  
Tord bites into his cookie. Edd rambles about the two monsters, poking fun at their ancestors.

  
“P...P…”

  
“Are you trying to say prince? Say prince!”

  
“Pusssssy.”

  
“…”


	20. Edd doesn't exist I guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically...
> 
> I have nothing better to do.

“Mum! I let ye’ visit and this is how ya’ greet me?”

  
Tord hopped a bit before signalling Matt to stay where he is, walking away to come back with a stool and comb a bit later.

  
“Sorry, but no soldier of mine is goes out looking like that! Dear god, it’s like you never combed it!”

  
“I don’t.”

 

“Well,” Tord sighs, “Maybe that’s why I don’t have another son.”

  
“MUM!”

  
“Hah, calm down I’m just poking fun at you. All I want is for you to be happy! And have nice hair.”

  
The comb gets tangled in the messy locks of the ginger’s hair. Tord pulls down.

  
“Ow! Fuck!”

  
“Sorry.”

  
Matt hissed, still letting his guardian comb his hair calm. When Tord finished, Matt turned around, “How do I look?”

  
Thumbs up.

  
Tord tsked as he straightened out his monster’s lavender colored clothes, “You are just so MESSY. I swear, it’s like I live with animals.”

  
“Bats are anim-”

  
“You know what I mean,” Tord said, looking a bit upset, “You’re not really an animal, we’ve been over this. You just need to be… A bit social! Maybe you’ll actually care about your image when you find the right guy. It happened with Paul!”

  
Matt whines a bit, almost pulling away from Tord.

  
“Oh… You know, he forgave you after that little impulse you had. His eye is better now.”

  
Dear god, how much Matt regretted laying a hand on him.

  
Paul just wanted to get juice, accidently stepping on Matt. Now, Matt was trying to hunt mice. He couldn't really eat them, it’s more of a chore.

  
Anyway, so Matt got stepped on.

  
He squeaked and got up quickly, making Paul fall over. The vampire had a horrible temper, so he didn’t take that too kindly. They started arguing and the ginger got physical, leaving a bad gash from the brunette’s thick eyebrows to his cheekbones.

  
He’s blind in that eye, now.

  
“Matt?”

  
“Wh- Sorry Mum…”

  
“There. You look a hell lot better.”

  
He sits down on the vampire’s black covered bed, looking around. He smiles and sighs, “I’m so proud of you. You’re probably the first monster that got accepted into such a great college…”

  
“Eh, school’s pretty borin’. Work doesn’t help it either. Kinda miss home, at least I would’ve had you to keep me company.”

  
“And to protect me,” Tord got up and walked over to a desk, “You won’t have to worry. I’ve got firearms!”

  
“Muuum…”

  
“Hehe, sorry. So… Maybe you can tell me about your job?”

 

* * *

 

  
“Thanks, Val.”

  
“No problem!” The cashier said, handing her friend his drink and lemon cake, “Also, when are you coming to work this week?”

  
He pays for his items, “Thursday, I believe.” He pauses as he sees the top of the cup had a phone number scribbled on it with a small ‘Call me!’ in nice handwriting. He chuckles as he turns and waves goodbye.

  
There’s a schedule the vampire sets up for himself, just so the day goes smoothly as possible. It’s his day off, so he wants to enjoy the snowy days.

  
It’s kinda great because the sun isn’t out, but it’s fucking cold as hell that it probably wasn’t that enjoyable. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  
He’s a minute late to his bus stop, but it seemed to be there, waiting or something.

  
Did he actually wait for me again? How nice.

  
Nope.

  
“What do you mean I can’t go on this bus?!” A monster growls, a long tail moving gracefully along with the monster’s movements.

  
“Look, we don’t allow monsters on this bus…”

  
“Hello!” You greeted, settling one boot on the bus steps.

  
“Except for that one.”

  
The monster turned around, earning Matt to look at this taller male much better. His hair was a mess, a nice light brown skin, he only had a tattered blue hoodie and torn jeans on. But those were the only things that made him look a slight bit human. He had black and violet animal looking ears, a tail, and violet claws.

  
And no eyes.

  
“Good mornin’, Mr. Finch.”

  
“Good morning, Davisson.”

  
The big monster growled, “And what makes him so special to ride this bus?”

  
“Uhh, I wouldn’t really be called so special to ride a bus. It’s that I’m still not allowed to drive, so I-”

  
“I’m not interested in your fucking problems, answer the damn question.”

  
“I would if ya’ didn’t take that tone with me.”

  
“You little-” The monster was about to lift his hand when Matt stopped him.

  
“We don’t have to settle it this way. Mr. Finch, can he ride the bus this one time? I’ll make sure he won’t cause anymore delays.”

  
The bus driver paused, “Very well.”

  
“Thank ya’,” Matt says, gently pushing the stunned monster. He sits down in a seat next to an empty one and pats the empty seat. The monster sighs and sits next to the vampire.

  
“What the hell.”

  
“What?”

  
“Why are you so nice to me?”

  
“Why not?”

  
They sat in silence for a little bit.

  
“So,” Matt started, “Where ya’ goin’?”

  
“Park.”

  
“Me too. I wanna make an army of snowmen.”

  
The monster smirked, looking out a window.

  
“What’s so funny?”

  
“You’re so old and you make snowmen.”

  
“Well, I like makin’ snowmen! It’s the only fun thing I can do without the sun botherin’ me.”

  
“Oh…”

  
“What are ye’ gonna do?”

  
“Nothing. Just look at the snow, I guess.”

  
“What’s yer name?”

  
“Thomas.”

  
“Well Thomas, would ya’ mind if I can accompany ya’? It’d be nice to have someone to talk to.”


	21. guess im still continuing this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want deathgfdknarlkrwnrw

“ _ Can you PLEASE hand it over? _ ”

 

“ _ I can when you get tall enough! _ ”

 

Matt hissed in annoyance, glaring at Tom who was holding the Prince’s diary above the descendant.

 

“ _ Please. I won’t be nice, the next time I beg. _ ”

 

“ _ Suck my dick. _ ”

 

The vampire grinned, “ _ What dick? _ ” he sneered, before giving a hard kick on the taller monster’s babymaker. 

 

Tom goes down with a loud scream, dropping the book.

 

“ _ Thank you so kindly, my good sir. _ ”

 

Matt sits on Tom, flipping to his bookmarked page. 

 

“ _ Was this necessary? Indubitably. Let’s read. _ ”

 

**_~Wednesday_ **

 

**_I have decided to attend a hoedown along with Edward._ **

 

**_What is a hoedown, even?_ **

 

**_-Matthew_ **

 

He can’t handle the intense crowd of people.

 

It’s surprisingly cold out, but Matthew didn’t bother going back inside the building. 

 

But hm, waiting on the porch is boring.

 

“Liking the moon out, Princey?”

 

“Hello, Thompson. Thought you were too busy getting drunk.”

 

“Nah,” The Sheriff mumbled, fumbling with his gun, “Ed already did that for me.”

 

“Ah.”

 

“Thought you were the type that liked gatherings like this one.”

 

Matthew sits down on the steps on the porch. He shrugs, crossing his arms.

 

Thompson sits next to the prince, settling his gun nearby, “Okay, what’s up with you? You’re a Prince for fuck's sake and you don’t even act like one.”

 

“Hmm,” Matthew grumbled, “And your point is?”

 

The Sheriff looked at the Prince like he was crazy, “People would die to live like you do. You’re loaded!”

 

“Pity. It’s not like I enjoy the royal scene. What I’d give to not worry about leading millions when my Father is gone. What I could do, to marry who I want.”

 

“… Well then, why don’t you rebel?”

 

“I get locked away.”

 

“Your parents lock you away?”

 

“Yes. I usually starve for days.”

 

“…”

 

“Hmpf. It’s not like you know how it feels.”

 

“Maybe you’d fit here much-”

 

The gun went off, scaring the Prince away.

 

“Wait- Where you going?!”

 

Shit.

 

“Matthew!”

 

He’s screwed.

 

So fucking screwed.

 

“Ed, we’ve got a problem…!”


End file.
